Blizzard warning: near-zero temperatures; 2-5 inches of snow; 35-mph winds; whiteout conditions due to blowing snow.
The actual weather conditions outside my window at 8 AM today:
Less than 1 inch of new snow; 20 degrees; light winds; good visibility.
I want that job.
Seriously--what other job is there in which the expectations for accuracy are so low? All you have to do is show up and look presentable on TV, and as long as you don't predict anything extremely unlikely, like snow in July, no one will hold you accountable.
This is what I imagine the job description might look like:
Position avialable: Weather Forecaster
Responsibilities:
- Prepare daily creative fiction segments for 5-minute spots on local news broadcasts
Qualifications:
- Must have suitable business attire and no obvious unpleasant facial deformities.
- Fluent vocabulary of words which the general public does not understand, i.e. "dew point," "cold front," and "heat index." (Being able to explain or even understand the meaning of these terms is not required.)
- Blatant disregard for facts, and the ability to deny and/or cover up obvious mistakes and gross errors of judgement, are a definite plus
Note: Former staffers of the Bush White House are strongly encouraged to apply
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1 comment:
Haha, loved the line about the Bush staffers. That would be a perfect position for ex-Bushies.
Also, a requirement for weatherperson: Fluency in Weather Sign Language, including the gesture signifying "a cold front moving through the Midwest", "storms driftng across United States", and "sun moving out by the end of the week", among other vague and unenlightening signs.
I really do want that job: stand in front a screen and wave your hands around? I can do that! (But what's a dew point?
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